scrappin', yellin' & mixin' it up
words from 111 archer avenue.
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i always wanted to be a tenenbaum
you, know?
i am a twenty-three year old darling girl.
i am not married, i have no children, and i didn't graduate from college. but..
i draw birds and robots; i read books; i laugh till i cry; i love until my heart bursts; i sometimes paint my face or arms with stripes if i'm bored; i create; i play guitar. i am not impressive, but i am me.
i am addicted to Jesus Christ. He never stops loving, never stops giving, and there is always more of Him. He is the perfect addiction. no one else can satisfy.
These are all just mostly vague details. If you want me, come find me. But, I promise, at the very least, you'll think I'm nice.
things i like
(and i like a lot of things).
museums.// theme parks.// zoos.// aquariums.// road trips.// naps.// reading, and lots of reading. especially in unconventional places.// being silly.// going to goodwill to find hidden treasures.// traveling.// new things.// vintage things. record players, records, old cameras, old radios, vintage clothes, etc.// learning new things.// exploring new places.// building forts out of pillows and/or blankets.// getting mail.// finding new ways to stay organized.// old books that smell like yummy old books.// the smell of colored pencils, and crayons.// the internet, for without it, i might not have some very great friends that i love so dearly.// squirrels.// musicals.// live plays.// daisies, and trees.// thai food.// laughing.// socks.// people you meet that are so amazing they make you strive for greatness, not in competition, but just out of the pure fact that you've seen potential, and was found to be wasting yours.// living a simple life.// holding hands.// the rare moments in life where i don't feel self conscious.// watching home videos.// hideabeds.// thrift stores the size of target.// target for that matter.// poking people in the nose and saying "beep" at the same time.// candles and lanterns and kerosene lamps.// cupcakes.// showers, washing my hands, and brushing my teeth.// sitting on rooftops.// the feel of new shirts.// warm, summer nights.// making things for people.// old shoes from friends.// macaroni and cheese.// having great times of talk with God.// organic, antibiotic-free, preservative-free, artificial flavoring/color-free, no refined sugar or grain food. (just the way God intended.)// love.
things i listen to
currently:
death cab for cutie. feist. animal collective. modest mouse. owen. iron & wine. mother mother. eisley. her space holiday. school of seven bells. dear and the headlights. the weepies. arcade fire. the format.
and when my heart needs to beat
t-pain. rhianna. jay-z. kanye west. flo-rida. ne-yo. justin timberlake. (all hopefully edited.)
things i watch
when life slows for a moment.
the office. my boys. saturday night live. arrested development.
cinema light
that makes my heart glow
the royal tenenbaums. dedication. juno. stranger than fiction. hook. eternal sunshine. garden state. empire of the sun. caddyshack. ghostbusters. jurassic park. closer. iron giant. turner & hooch. an affair to remember. eagle vs. shark. lars and the real girl. pineapple express. the life aquatic. (500) days of summer. the hangover. up. and in all honesty, avatar in 3D was pretty amazing.
paper and ink
with feelings and thought
cars & trucks & things that go - richard scarry
little bear - maurice sendak
the giving tree - shel silverstein
the quietest cricket - eric carle
there is a monster at the end of this book - grover
crazylove - francis chan
awake - erwin raphael mcmanus
seizing your divine moment - erwin raphael mcmanus
the journey towards relevance - kary oberbrunner
no compromise - melody green
but you can't raise boys to be scared of life.
You got to brew some recklessness into them.
The Lord has always been the One who stirs hearts to give of their resources and primarily I am asking Him to stir up those who will financially sow as partners with His kingdom advancing in and through my life.
Please take time to prayerfully consider becoming a monthly financial partner, allowing the Lord to pour through you, as He is the Source of all provision.
One-time donations are very helpful. Relational monthly partners who want to share in what God is doing in and through my life will provide enabling to focus wholeheartedly on His Word and His ways.
If you want to use another method besides paypal to help donate, let me know.
Contributions made directly to me are "love contributions," and are NOT tax deductible.
the archives
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2009 (may and after - there's a weird glitch)
2009 (january-april)
2008
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2006
2005
2004
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005 @ 12:59 AM
Do you remember what its like when you're a kid, and like you're walking down a wicked dark hallway but you're holding someones hand? You feel their hand in yours but you have to even trust that its them because you can't see their face.That idea where you have no clear way of knowing where you going, but you just have to trust that nothings going to get you?
That's how I am right now. I feel like I'm in this massive dark hallway and I know I've got Gods hand, but I can't even see his face, so how do I know its his hand? and I just feel so scared and lost and confused. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I know what I want to do.. I guess. I mean, I don't know. I thought that's what I wanted to do. But now I'm not sure. I know its something I like doing, but do I really want to make a career out of it? I just don't want to sit around waiting for my life to start, but I'm completely confused as to how I can make it start. I mean, school is the good idea with that, but I can't go where I sort of wanted to go, and everywhere else I don't want to go. and I don't even know where else I could go. Do I really want to be living with my parents for the next however long time span? But I don't really want to just work at familiy video while I sit around contemplating what I ''really want to do'' with my life. i'm going to be 25 then and completely lost as I'm still ''figuring things out'' while I go to family functions and get talked to as to ''why I'm still single'' and how I can be more like my other cousins or siblings who have things all figured out. But I'll still be working at family video making not much more than minimum wage. Maybe my sisters right..even if I don't know what I want to do.. just DO something. But I don't feel like getting 3/4 of a degree completed just to figure out what I truly want to do that fourth year. Then it'd all be a waste of sorts. Wouldn't it? It'd just be a lot.. I'm hesitant to say ''easier'' because I don't really mean less work for me, I mean an idea of simplicity and such.. but it'd just be alot easier if I just knew what I was supposed to be doing. If I just had solid direction. But the lame part is, I don't. and few people do. I stayed up in bed thinking for 2 and a half hours about this. What I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to become, and who I want to bring with me along the way. Only thing I got were fewer answers and more questions. And is it all a part of trust? Am I really supposed to just be sitting put until I get a beam of sunshine and a choir of angels directing me to where I'm supposed to be? Sitting on my couch thinking, okay, well if I don't know where I'm supposed to go, then I'll just not move. I mean, that makes sense in the driving world right? If you're lost, just stay put. Don't make it worse for yourself. but does that equally overlap into spirituality and life? Is it safer for me to just find somehting and pursue it even though that something could be way off from that something I'm supposed to pursue, or is it safer to sit back and wait for an epiphany?
Truth is, school sucks. It always has, it always will. because its work. and alot if it is meaningless credit work. And I don't want to waste my time earning credits that won't count just so I can ''do something''. I dont know. I'm kinda in a Garden State of mind. Is life really that full of chances that are almost risk free? I mean, sure money is lost, but who really cares about money? Could I literally just pack up and go to Europe for a year.. or maybe a few months? Sounds like an adventure. And, I'm actually serious about it.. sort of. Serious contemplation at least. Just to say, ''look I'm off to either find me, or find some adventure" and just get a few belongings, some clothes, and yeah.. just.. go to europe. England.. France.. Italy.. Spain.. heck Moracco. Work a little here and there, maybe just enough to get by.. hitchhike and get free rides when I can, exchange room and board for help around the house or farm. See some orphanges, work in some restaurants. I don't know languages well, but that hasn't stopped alot of people. I feel like I'm just wasting my time and my youth as I sit and watch my life go by. Why can't I say I've traveled Europe, but haven't turned 21 yet? Sounds like fun to me. I'd have to take at least one other person with me.. so if you are interested, and I mean VERY SERIOUSLY interested let me know, and I'll think about letting you come with. I'd need someone I can be compatible with for a long time.
Maybe I'm just imagining things. Its probably not possible. I don't know. And even if it was, I doubt my parents like the idea of that, and I don't feel like sneaking out to Europe... as exciting as that sounds.
I suppose I started thinking about this when my friend Levi just said he works when he wants ((construction)) and then he just goes to colorado for a few days or a week. just leaves. Gets some money, finds a schedule opening and leaves. That sounded spectacular to me. and I was just amazed as to how someone could do that. I literally didn't think that type of spontenaeity was still around. I suppose I need to get some plans in the works..
I can't figure out waht that onething is that I would do if I had a million dollars. I'm sure you've all seen Office Space.. and I'm like Peter. If I had a million dollars I wouldn't do anything. I'd just sit back, maybe learn how to be a super duper great cook, and play my guitar on my back porch. Buy a nice house, get married, and have a few kids. And a dog. or two. I wouldn't do anything else. And I can't think of the one thing in the world that makes me feel the happiest where I go "yes! that, THAT right there is what I want to do forever." besides playing guitar. but I think that's out of the question as far as futures go...
travel the world with my guitar by my side. does that sound lame? or idealistic. I don't want to just work another 9-5 job. Cubicle or no cubicle that sucks. I don't know. I need to do things. I need to go on adventures. And I need to find people willing to drop everything for a while and go on them with me. to find themselves.. or an adventure.
x,Jeska
0 commentsread it back to me, pietro.
good reads or good websites.
Team Van Voorst - Paige updates her life as wife, mom, and general frugal lady!
LG & Brian Alsbury - LisaGrace writes about being a new wife, matters of the heart, budgets and goals, and general awesome things.
Changing Again - Insight to Danielle's crazy world.
The Alexanders - Jess and Mike moved to Japan. Here is their side of the world.
Simple Mom - A great website devoted to simplicity.
Remodeling This Life. - Simple. Frugal. Fabulous. (She did an AMAZING home remodel based soley on cash.)
Mint - The EASIEST, most-AMAZING, FREE way to build a budget.
design*sponge. - Creative and original design ideas.
Organizing Your Way. - A personalized approach to decluttering your life.
SmittenKitchen - Seriously some of the BEST recipes i've ever come across. SO awesome.
go, mordecai!
good buys.
rare bird finds. - a collection of unique items.
fredflare! - a shop full of fun and functionality.
[etsy] - if you want anything handmade or vintage, look here.
mighty goods. - an updated collection of fun things.
threadless. - tshirts designed by everyday people.
raygun. - formerly smash, this is an independant shop in des moines that specializes in awesome shirts.
wildcat. wild...cat.
other good websites.
questionable content. - my favorite webcomic by jeph jacques. (contains swearing and adult situations.)
postsecret. - updated every sunday, this blog contains secrets sent in by individuals all over the world.
cute overload. - bad day? stare at picture of cute things. it helps.
is that a tic-tac?
layout credit.
Design : everlastingroses!
Inspiration : indreamsmaybe
Image : swimchick