scrappin', yellin' & mixin' it up
words from 111 archer avenue.
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i always wanted to be a tenenbaum
you, know?
i am a twenty-three year old darling girl.
i am not married, i have no children, and i didn't graduate from college. but..
i draw birds and robots; i read books; i laugh till i cry; i love until my heart bursts; i sometimes paint my face or arms with stripes if i'm bored; i create; i play guitar. i am not impressive, but i am me.
i am addicted to Jesus Christ. He never stops loving, never stops giving, and there is always more of Him. He is the perfect addiction. no one else can satisfy.
These are all just mostly vague details. If you want me, come find me. But, I promise, at the very least, you'll think I'm nice.
things i like
(and i like a lot of things).
museums.// theme parks.// zoos.// aquariums.// road trips.// naps.// reading, and lots of reading. especially in unconventional places.// being silly.// going to goodwill to find hidden treasures.// traveling.// new things.// vintage things. record players, records, old cameras, old radios, vintage clothes, etc.// learning new things.// exploring new places.// building forts out of pillows and/or blankets.// getting mail.// finding new ways to stay organized.// old books that smell like yummy old books.// the smell of colored pencils, and crayons.// the internet, for without it, i might not have some very great friends that i love so dearly.// squirrels.// musicals.// live plays.// daisies, and trees.// thai food.// laughing.// socks.// people you meet that are so amazing they make you strive for greatness, not in competition, but just out of the pure fact that you've seen potential, and was found to be wasting yours.// living a simple life.// holding hands.// the rare moments in life where i don't feel self conscious.// watching home videos.// hideabeds.// thrift stores the size of target.// target for that matter.// poking people in the nose and saying "beep" at the same time.// candles and lanterns and kerosene lamps.// cupcakes.// showers, washing my hands, and brushing my teeth.// sitting on rooftops.// the feel of new shirts.// warm, summer nights.// making things for people.// old shoes from friends.// macaroni and cheese.// having great times of talk with God.// organic, antibiotic-free, preservative-free, artificial flavoring/color-free, no refined sugar or grain food. (just the way God intended.)// love.
things i listen to
currently:
death cab for cutie. feist. animal collective. modest mouse. owen. iron & wine. mother mother. eisley. her space holiday. school of seven bells. dear and the headlights. the weepies. arcade fire. the format.
and when my heart needs to beat
t-pain. rhianna. jay-z. kanye west. flo-rida. ne-yo. justin timberlake. (all hopefully edited.)
things i watch
when life slows for a moment.
the office. my boys. saturday night live. arrested development.
cinema light
that makes my heart glow
the royal tenenbaums. dedication. juno. stranger than fiction. hook. eternal sunshine. garden state. empire of the sun. caddyshack. ghostbusters. jurassic park. closer. iron giant. turner & hooch. an affair to remember. eagle vs. shark. lars and the real girl. pineapple express. the life aquatic. (500) days of summer. the hangover. up. and in all honesty, avatar in 3D was pretty amazing.
paper and ink
with feelings and thought
cars & trucks & things that go - richard scarry
little bear - maurice sendak
the giving tree - shel silverstein
the quietest cricket - eric carle
there is a monster at the end of this book - grover
crazylove - francis chan
awake - erwin raphael mcmanus
seizing your divine moment - erwin raphael mcmanus
the journey towards relevance - kary oberbrunner
no compromise - melody green
but you can't raise boys to be scared of life.
You got to brew some recklessness into them.
The Lord has always been the One who stirs hearts to give of their resources and primarily I am asking Him to stir up those who will financially sow as partners with His kingdom advancing in and through my life.
Please take time to prayerfully consider becoming a monthly financial partner, allowing the Lord to pour through you, as He is the Source of all provision.
One-time donations are very helpful. Relational monthly partners who want to share in what God is doing in and through my life will provide enabling to focus wholeheartedly on His Word and His ways.
If you want to use another method besides paypal to help donate, let me know.
Contributions made directly to me are "love contributions," and are NOT tax deductible.
the archives
click to read back through the years.
2009 (may and after - there's a weird glitch)
2009 (january-april)
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
my memoirs: don't inhale fruity pebbles and things of that nature
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 @ 3:31 AM
so, here's my update.
its been a whole twenty (20) days since my last blog!
that's like a withdrawl improvement i'd say.
so lets try to take memorable days as they came.
shall we?
feb.14- valentines day.
normally a regrettable day filled with cynicism and bitter remarks about lost love, or no love at all. this year, very enjoyable. i was not the recipient of tangible gifts, flowers, teddies etc of the like, (and wahoo for that. flowers are good. but like teddies and chocolates to me are wayyy too cheesy.) but i did get a nice gift. the gift of a crush.
now, i know these normally are annoying, sometimes upsetting and unwanted, and are often thrown aside and not treated as a real thing in the light of love.
but when you are at the end of your sanity, and your self-worth has been dwindling since catastrophic day one, (see break up.) and the only guys that are interested in you have hygiene, mental, or religion issues, or as of late and a minor percentage, aren't my type, it definitely starts taking effect.
but to have someone normal, even if they're halfway across the world, with full knowledge of the fleeting window this crush (noun) has, they still tell you and engage in typical crush scenarios, .. its very uplifting.
i can't even begin to tell you how much this meant to me.
it was one of those ''so..i'm okay?... real boys that are not skeevy actually can think i'm great?''
--i should probably backtrack here. feb. 13. meltdown central. circa 2:13 a.m. buried/dealt with memories of past relationship one (see also, catastrophic day one) came rushing back. serious spiritual warfare going on here. no exaggeration. i bawled for nearly 2 hours all the while hearing a voice in my head say "your worthless. no one will ever love you. you might as well settle for someone that will violate you emotionally and physically because they're the only ones who even want you. no one else does. your not beautiful and you will never be beautiful. your a waste of time and a waste of space." it just kept going. the tears came harder. hotter. this deep recess of pain that i had locked away was broken open by this traitor telling me things i know weren't true. who was it, you ask? me. now, i wasn't doing it voluntarily, but i want to make clear that whoever it was saying those awful things (i think we all know..) was mimicking my voice in my head. its so much worse when its your own voice.
so this can obviously make the effects of feb. 14th greater or worse depending on what went on. so from feeling the lowest you've ever felt, and then the next day having someone take interest in you.
it was magical. end backtrack--
so, understandibly, because of time and space,.. and a good 10,000 miles, this crush will eventually come to an end. and i'm okay with it. it'll be missed, but it did its job, and did it well. so thank you my dear friend, who made me feel so much better on a day that normally makes me feel so much worse.
feb.16-
supposed to leave for my sisters.
horrendous ice storm.
-23* C.
annoyingly, didn't leave.
feb.17-
woke up around 9 to leave by 11. its a good 6-7 hour trip, so that would have gotten me there around 5 or 6. ((obviously depending on speed, weather, and whether or not my hunger pangs and bladder issues can wait.))
find note on toilet. ((yes the seat was down.)) "Jeska, call me when you wake up. I want to go with you and you can take me to grandmas! Love, Mom"
oh.
well.
this is nice.
i at least get a road buddy.. but grandmas is about 45 mins out of my way.. oh well.
so i call mom and she says we can leave at 2pm.
slightly off schedule... so 2pm rolls around and im' so unmotivated to leave because of my lack of aformentioned schedule continuity, that we dont leave till..say...5pm.
i get there at 11. fun times. nothing happens, i do homework and i go to sleep...at 7am.. talking to aformentioned crush (see feb.14) who lives in another continent. quiet you.
feb.18- erg. drag myself out of bed at noon so i can get fancy pants cool hair.
3 hours later, hair is fantastic, and completely makes me question my sanity on my previous hair color/style choice. its so spectacular now.. that its like really obvious that this was the way to go lol. so i'm out $150.15 but its completely worth it. these people are way smart and go to L.A. twice a year to take classes that are way expensive. so yeah. its all good.
hair time is also same time that my grandfather had a mild stroke.
very sad. we went to the hospital after my hair and he was very out of it.
after about 2 hours he started putting things together a little better..but his eyes were deviated to the right, and of course left side was twitchy and mostly dead weight.
my mom left to go back to his house to get something. ((his teeth lol))
my grandmother goes to ask the nurse about some house she built on the hill.
my sister asks to see the lab results and scans or something. ((she's a nurse.))
now this places me and ol' granddad in the same room. alone.
we don't really have the best of a relationship. now don't get me wrong.
i love him very much. but i have my doubts as to whether or not he likes me.
i know he loves me.. cause he has to.. but 9/10 times i walk into a room its "hello child."
not endearingly by the way. he's normally very ''stubborn abrasive old man'' with me and less ''loving grandfather.'' its kinda painful, but i've gotten over it.
so he kinda sits for awhile.. then says ''..Jane..?" ((my mom))
"oh.. she went back to get your teeth."
"..oh...dani?" ((my sister))
"...she's talking to a nurse right now, what can i get you?"
I stand up and walk towards him, he grabs my hand and lightly rubs his
thumb on the top of mine. "just don't leave me" he says.
I look him dead in the eyes. ((as best as possible with right deviation))
"you know I love you right? because I do. I love you."
"...well.. I assumed.." enter ornery old man thing.
"well I do. I got a new haircut, you like it?"
i'm thinking we're having a special moment and its all going great cause he loves me and doesn't want me to leave and..
"NO."
..oh.
well it was worth a shot lol.
so its now 9pm. i'm falling asleep in the chair as i try to figure out if the nurse is australian or irish. i couldn't figure it out.
his accent was soooo subtle. and he kept switching. i forgot to ask. its still driving me crazy.
we go back to my sisters house, and try to find her husband lol. he's always randomly gone.
she mentions how we haven't done anything the entire time i'm here. so i do some homework, and we talk, and then watch some tv. then we all crash and sleep.
feb.19- wake up around 4. church is at 5, and i didn't actually get up till about 4.15.
dani wasn't happy. she likes being on time.. and bret and i (her husband..and .. me..) never are on time lol. but i tried, and my hair came out looking pretty good... for a first try at doing hair and we're off to church.
well we get there and its packed. its normally pretty filled but its a small service to begin with. apparently they invited amistad christiana (hispanic church) over to chill at our church so we were doing bilingual songs and scripture reading etc. the message even was translated into english for us. it was pretty cool. people of different tongues and backgrounds all coming together for the main goal of praising God and worshipping Him. it was beautiful.
church is over. no one tells me that my hair is cool. dangit! i'm now starting to think maybe it sucks.. ((todd, this also factors into that whole thing we discussed about needing to know things lol. i love you.))
so we go to the usual spot after church because no one can come up with anywhere better to eat at. anyway.. it looked pretty busy, so after 30 minutes, we take our own orders lol.
after more than an hour we still don't have any food.
so bret took care of that.
food..eh. was so-so. but whatever. its no perkins, that's for sure.
so we go back to our house with some people to play either mario kart:double dash, or apples to apples. ((great game by the way..))
I almost dominate apples to apples.
and becky made me about pee my pants.
"manly- ... rosa parks."
you won't get that, so ask me to explain it later.
everyone leaves about midnight or so, 'cept for josh who normally chills late with us.
bret really wants to go to walmart.
i really want to finish my picture. ((the pretty in pink one. go comment it.))
josh wants to engage in ''deep conversation''.
so we have some about what i want in a guy, what my deal breakers are, etc. just typical questions lol. we talk about love and life and things.
and on the way to walmart i tell my sister for the first time about the date from hell.
ask me to fill you in sometime. or maybe not..
we spend a nice hour at walmart
i get some awesome sunglasses.. ((edit. mom sat on them later. way to go mom.))
we get back and finish more conversation.
then bret goes to bed and dani, josh, and i stay up to watch Heavyweights.
its pretty much one of my favorite moves.
although, i know its like the worst movie ever. it has the mighty ducks vibe. kinda lame and cheesy, but normally good for a few laughs. Josh ranks it in his top 3 worst horrible catastrophically tortous worst movie ever category. lol go me.
dani goes to bed.
its just josh and me.
[we regret to inform you that your friend privleges to read the rest of this day have been revoked. please inquire in person to discuss further details.]
feb.20-
erg. 3pm.
i just went to bed at 8.30a.m so i'm all nice and tired.
i pack.
get some stuff together.
throw my hair into a nice lil ..thing.. with bobbypins..whatever its way cute, and leave my sisters.
we did absolutely nothing lol.
so i'm gonna make it up to her and come up in another 2 weeks or so.
plus she said she wanted to help me get my tattoo this weekend. so
two thumbs up for fine holiday presidential fun.
drive all the way to storm lake to get my mom.
mom drives.
i crash.
we crash. oh wait.
no.. thats only what i thought we were doing when i got jolted awake. moms a little scary when you're sleeping and she's driving. its all good though.
we go to subway. yumyum.
we hit des moines and i see alex and my mom sees his mom.
it was fun
alex and i learned an important lesson. "WWE Divas can not be trusted."
it was good times. good times.
i stop over at marie & john's to give them their wedding present.
it was all fun and good.
we leave des moines at 10:11.
we pull into my driveway at 11:53.
check out that time.
des moines is normally a 2:45-3 hour trip.
I'm effing AMAZING.
((currently switching to feb.21))
but now, i have lots of homework to do.
so i have about 20 minutes to get this last assignment in
otherwise its late.
well good thing its done, now all i have to do is plug in and
set up the scanner.
10 minutes to upload and turn in.
no USB cord.
how can they NOT include a freaking USB cord.
10 minutes are up.
assignment: done, but late. all on account that
epson included everything but not the USB cord and didn't even mention that you needed to purchase one before you started.
slightly annoyed.
oh well.
i take a 2 quizzes and get 100
nd a 90yay for me.
so homework is done.
i finish some studying.
and eat some fruity pebbles.
and inhaled one. hence the title to this story.
now that was about 45 minutes ago.
and its 4.20 a.m.
and i'm thinking about [we're sorry to inform you that your friendship status might not match the standards needed to access this sentance. please inquire personally or over the phone if you have any questions. thank you, mgmnt.]
tomorrow should be good though.
finally getting that appt. with the osteopath to give me an MRI and tell me if i need knee surgery. hurrah! and my contacts came in! double hurrah! and uh.. i'm going to the bank to tell them i'm a victim of a credit card scam full of unauthorized charges! hurrah hurrah hurrah!..or..well not so hurrah on that last one. so.. hurrah hurrah hurrah. yes. much more fitting.
then work 7-10pm. great fun.
so this is the update on my life if you care.
i'm sorry its so long,
but if you read it thus far, a comment would be much appreciated :)
love, yours truly, sincerely jeska
read it back to me, pietro.
good reads or good websites.
Team Van Voorst - Paige updates her life as wife, mom, and general frugal lady!
LG & Brian Alsbury - LisaGrace writes about being a new wife, matters of the heart, budgets and goals, and general awesome things.
Changing Again - Insight to Danielle's crazy world.
The Alexanders - Jess and Mike moved to Japan. Here is their side of the world.
Simple Mom - A great website devoted to simplicity.
Remodeling This Life. - Simple. Frugal. Fabulous. (She did an AMAZING home remodel based soley on cash.)
Mint - The EASIEST, most-AMAZING, FREE way to build a budget.
design*sponge. - Creative and original design ideas.
Organizing Your Way. - A personalized approach to decluttering your life.
SmittenKitchen - Seriously some of the BEST recipes i've ever come across. SO awesome.
go, mordecai!
good buys.
rare bird finds. - a collection of unique items.
fredflare! - a shop full of fun and functionality.
[etsy] - if you want anything handmade or vintage, look here.
mighty goods. - an updated collection of fun things.
threadless. - tshirts designed by everyday people.
raygun. - formerly smash, this is an independant shop in des moines that specializes in awesome shirts.
wildcat. wild...cat.
other good websites.
questionable content. - my favorite webcomic by jeph jacques. (contains swearing and adult situations.)
postsecret. - updated every sunday, this blog contains secrets sent in by individuals all over the world.
cute overload. - bad day? stare at picture of cute things. it helps.
is that a tic-tac?
layout credit.
Design : everlastingroses!
Inspiration : indreamsmaybe
Image : swimchick