i love playing depressing mixtapes when i'm out of sorts.

high notes:
yesterday was amazing. paige was so beautiful, and todd was a total stud. the wedding was the best i've been in and to which i've been. (working the sentence around prepositions! props to me! although, it is a little harder to read. so basically i'm saying the wedding was the best ever.) it was so amazing. and i cried a super lot but like was trying so hard to hold it in, because i didn't know how distracting it would be for me to wipe the tears away. i was so nervous i'd be distracting. but yeah, it was awesome and went off without a hitch (or maybe not as ben said. puns are gross but he's a pretty fun guy). and the reception was fun. my sister made me cry, but i'm not sure that was all her fault. i mean, yes, she is good at making me cry quickly, but i was just realizing that i could finally destress.. like i'm always stressed and i get overwhelmed and overstressed very easily. but it's because i'm so used to running at high levels that i think i have better coping skills than most people do. i can remove myself from the stress until it's all over and then an a-bomb will come out of nowhere and crash on me. so once the reception was mostly over i was so overwhelmed i about died. but then they played journey and i didn't stop believing. and decided to sing the whole song because, i am amazing. and know all the words. and then i totally requested extreme's "more than words". and it was gross. aaaand awesome. but there were wicked awkward parts like when the dj said, "now it's time for the wedding party and their significant other's to hit the dance floor"... *aawwwkkwarrrdddddd* what was i supposed to do?! get my sister? luckily ben saved the day on that one. i feel bad for being so awkward. he was trying to get me to have fun and i just couldn't relax. so hopefully i didn't ruin his fun, either. he tried, at least.
and lisagrace was soooooo much fun, too. i mean, i love the girl, really, i do. (comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleonnnnnn. gross.) every time i'm with her, i love her even more. we're gonna be super good friends, i can tell. we just have to hang out lol. once of these days, LG, we'll get it.

oh man. paige is a wife. todd is a husband. wow. it's so amazing.


low notes:
as much as i'm really enjoying being single, as i relayed to lauren, i gotta tell you, being the only bridesmaid without any opposite sex involvement, i was a little bummed. God's really blessing me though with all i'm learning by being single. which sounds dumb, because single's kind of been my default setting my whole life. with a few blips here and there. but i really love being single. i really do. i'm not sure who i'm trying to convince by saying it so much, but you have to believe me. only when i watch "when harry met sally" or "bridget jones' diary", do i feel bad lol. oo.. "moulin rouge", too.. but i just know to avoid all those movies when i'm out of sorts like now.

and i don't have a job. the vet one, TO MY ASTONISHMENT, didn't happen. they didn't call me back. it's been four days, and i should call them to be sure.. i'll try to get around to it monday.

man. i super need a hug. like hxc. a really depressing song came on and it's making me feel worse. i love it.

what am i supposed to do now? no job; the one i have, as todd puts it, "scheduled you when you didn't know you had the job, and now that you know, didn't schedule you." this whole week i'm off. which is fine. i hate it there. i miss my old job. this one sucks. but i have to work there because it's all i have. and i know God will provide, and he always does and ... i don't know. it all reminds me of a quote i heard once: