is anyone else seriously DONE with winter?
it seems extra long this year. i think it's because we actually had snow mid-december for the first time in... three, four...five years? it's gross.
at least it's getting sunnier... but it being sunny and -2* is a joke. such a sad, sad tease.

so.
le grande update:

let's break it down shall we? the category of life itself is far too vague.

health
improving. hopefully. i haven't been sick for... maybe two weeks? although, i will say.. i am still taking my antibiotics from my last sinus infection. i've noticed they clear up my skin just a scosh, so i'm taking one a day rather than two, and hopefully going to make it last long enough until i can get to a dermatologist. or something. so that could have a hand it me not picking up anything new at work. i'd keep this up if i knew i wouldn't build a resistance to it.
we've had pink eye circulating the room... and my eye has been itching lately, so i'm hoping that it's all psychosomatic.

work
work has been getting better. i think my perspective has shifted just a little bit, since i've been saving up money, i now know i can leave whenever i please, if my sanity requires it. i'm actually starting to really like my job. i discussed getting the position with the todds and that still sounds really great... but there's a certain kiddo that i completely adore and don't want to leave for six months. i understand i'd get him back when he transitions.. but that's in june. and i am completely enamored with him. and last saturday his family asked me over for his birthday party. i showed up to realize that his party was the family, the extended family on webcam, .... and me. i was a little shocked to be the only non-family member "there" and i was really .. i don't know, touched sounds like a lifetime original phrase, but it meant a lot to me. and we had a great time and i really loved everyone, and ... i don't think i can articulate how happy i was. in the words of michael scott, "my heart is very full." i figured around five i'd leave or something, but then they asked if i wanted to stay for dinner. (!) imagine that. so i accepted, and they introduced me to thai food, which i LURVE hxc. ((seriously. their fried rice and egg rolls are a bajillion times better than chinese attempts.)) so during dinner, i still felt very awkward and nervous, even though i really really liked these people. half of me still felt the obligation of a teacher so i couldn't relax fully, and the other half just wanted them to like me so very much. so very very much. i can't explain why the desire for them to like me is so high. i just am really fond of them. i'm fairly confident that their other child enjoyed me as much as i did him. five and six year olds are my favorite. but anyway, during dinner i felt like i got to know them more, and they got to know me more in depth. i hopefully didn't outstay my welcome and picked up on right social cues, seeing as we got home at 8.15 ish, and i left a half hour later as the kids had to go to bed. i felt so awful for the dad, he's been sick for awhile, just picking up every icky germ, and he had to have a party for his kid, entertain a guest, dinner, blah blah blah. but i really liked him and his wife. they're such nice people. like, today for instance: saturday i forgot to ask for their copy of rushmore (she suggested i borrow it.), and she brought it in yesterday for me to take home. i watched it, really liked it, and told her today that i really enjoyed it. she mentioned her favorite, bottle rocket. i said that i had looked into renting it but hadn't seen it at family video the last time i was there. we talked about other places to rent and i said that i didn't know where any other place was, besides hastings. she mentioned hollywood video and then laughed when i said i didn't know where it was. once she told me, i realized i recognized the building in my mind, but had never paid any attention to it if i passed it. anyway, she left and then like a half hour later after picking up her kid, she calls to let me know that it's rented out at family video, but hollywood has it in the "action" section.

seriously. this is how nice and amazing this woman is. i was going to rent it tonight, but once i got home, i took a shower and pretty much crashed out.
anyway, i'm not sure how i could continue to build a relationship with these great people if i left my job. or left for toddlers this early. erg. i don't know what to do. i just don't want to get another two months down the road and think to myself, "i should have switched to toddlers. should have done it." there are many times in my day where i don't think i can take much more. but i'm happier about it, so that's positive.

social life
well. branching out at the light hasn't gotten me too far, but i don't want to give the impression that i'm going to give up. in the way that i feel like my current social circle is too young, i'm finding that i'd be expanding it to the other extreme. i'm trying to do my best of finding people my age that i like. hopefully that will all work out with the plans of...:

this fall
found a new roommate! super excited! i had no idea what i was going to do with next year and had no prospects, so when the re-lease papers came up (and were do within a week *grumble grumble*) and i didn't know what to do, i virtually imploded. combining that with stress from work and a storm of other emotionally/mentally taxing issues, i was doomed for a bad last weekend. (secretly, i even got suicidal for a few days. but i'm okay and much better now.) but, so excited for this fall! bethany is uber cute, and the apartment is super cute, and awesome, and i'm so excited. hand claps for God all around. so, very excited.

the Jireh
there are various names for God. the one i most commonly pick is Jehovah-Jireh, my provider. i'm not sure why it's my favorite, but it is.
but, anyway. so naturally, with an implosion as grand as mine was, i was trying to put myself together, and picking up pieces from the fallout... i'm not sure where i was in regards to God. i mean, there are the natural laws of undulation as c.s. lewis states, and with as many ups as i have i will certainly have equal downs. so, i had a difficult time wandering in my valley of doubt and despair. luckily, as so many other have not been, mine only lasted a few weeks. but, my Jireh provided an oasis. and i am now out of the desert and back into the wilderness, searching for my mountain of God. but i hit a really new (old) low and had a hard time not going back to places i swore i wouldn't but, like i said, God provided. but yes.
God and i are back on loving terms. i was reading the bible and what i was reading really actually hit me. i was reading zechariah and it was when they were rebuilding the temple. God basically said, "why are you living in luxury, while my house lies in ruin? rebuild my temple and i will inhibit there with you." which, i really felt like i needed to rebuild the temple in my own heart. and then God would come back to me. so, i did. and it was nice. very glad i did so.

true lurve
ahahahahahahaha.


anyway, alex is hassling me to come over and get some pie he made, so we'll see if i actually leave my house. so cold. so late. and pie is so not my forte. i'm a cupcake girl. love me some cupcakes.

lovelove.