scrappin', yellin' & mixin' it up
words from 111 archer avenue.
welcome. click the tabs to browse around.
entries
profile
extras
links
welcome. click the tabs to browse around.
i always wanted to be a tenenbaum
you, know?
i am a twenty-three year old darling girl.
i am not married, i have no children, and i didn't graduate from college. but..
i draw birds and robots; i read books; i laugh till i cry; i love until my heart bursts; i sometimes paint my face or arms with stripes if i'm bored; i create; i play guitar. i am not impressive, but i am me.
i am addicted to Jesus Christ. He never stops loving, never stops giving, and there is always more of Him. He is the perfect addiction. no one else can satisfy.
These are all just mostly vague details. If you want me, come find me. But, I promise, at the very least, you'll think I'm nice.
things i like
(and i like a lot of things).
museums.// theme parks.// zoos.// aquariums.// road trips.// naps.// reading, and lots of reading. especially in unconventional places.// being silly.// going to goodwill to find hidden treasures.// traveling.// new things.// vintage things. record players, records, old cameras, old radios, vintage clothes, etc.// learning new things.// exploring new places.// building forts out of pillows and/or blankets.// getting mail.// finding new ways to stay organized.// old books that smell like yummy old books.// the smell of colored pencils, and crayons.// the internet, for without it, i might not have some very great friends that i love so dearly.// squirrels.// musicals.// live plays.// daisies, and trees.// thai food.// laughing.// socks.// people you meet that are so amazing they make you strive for greatness, not in competition, but just out of the pure fact that you've seen potential, and was found to be wasting yours.// living a simple life.// holding hands.// the rare moments in life where i don't feel self conscious.// watching home videos.// hideabeds.// thrift stores the size of target.// target for that matter.// poking people in the nose and saying "beep" at the same time.// candles and lanterns and kerosene lamps.// cupcakes.// showers, washing my hands, and brushing my teeth.// sitting on rooftops.// the feel of new shirts.// warm, summer nights.// making things for people.// old shoes from friends.// macaroni and cheese.// having great times of talk with God.// organic, antibiotic-free, preservative-free, artificial flavoring/color-free, no refined sugar or grain food. (just the way God intended.)// love.
things i listen to
currently:
death cab for cutie. feist. animal collective. modest mouse. owen. iron & wine. mother mother. eisley. her space holiday. school of seven bells. dear and the headlights. the weepies. arcade fire. the format.
and when my heart needs to beat
t-pain. rhianna. jay-z. kanye west. flo-rida. ne-yo. justin timberlake. (all hopefully edited.)
things i watch
when life slows for a moment.
the office. my boys. saturday night live. arrested development.
cinema light
that makes my heart glow
the royal tenenbaums. dedication. juno. stranger than fiction. hook. eternal sunshine. garden state. empire of the sun. caddyshack. ghostbusters. jurassic park. closer. iron giant. turner & hooch. an affair to remember. eagle vs. shark. lars and the real girl. pineapple express. the life aquatic. (500) days of summer. the hangover. up. and in all honesty, avatar in 3D was pretty amazing.
paper and ink
with feelings and thought
cars & trucks & things that go - richard scarry
little bear - maurice sendak
the giving tree - shel silverstein
the quietest cricket - eric carle
there is a monster at the end of this book - grover
crazylove - francis chan
awake - erwin raphael mcmanus
seizing your divine moment - erwin raphael mcmanus
the journey towards relevance - kary oberbrunner
no compromise - melody green
but you can't raise boys to be scared of life.
You got to brew some recklessness into them.
The Lord has always been the One who stirs hearts to give of their resources and primarily I am asking Him to stir up those who will financially sow as partners with His kingdom advancing in and through my life.
Please take time to prayerfully consider becoming a monthly financial partner, allowing the Lord to pour through you, as He is the Source of all provision.
One-time donations are very helpful. Relational monthly partners who want to share in what God is doing in and through my life will provide enabling to focus wholeheartedly on His Word and His ways.
If you want to use another method besides paypal to help donate, let me know.
Contributions made directly to me are "love contributions," and are NOT tax deductible.
the archives
click to read back through the years.
2009 (may and after - there's a weird glitch)
2009 (january-april)
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
psalm 18:28-32
Wednesday, October 22, 2008 @ 11:27 PM
"For you will light my lamp;
The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
For by You I can run against a troop,
By my God I can leap over a wall.
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
For who is god, except the LORD?
and who is a rock, except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect."
Well, nothing like a few psalms to renew your trust in God after crying in your car for ten minutes.
Friends, I come to you with the most sincere honesty; I have no idea what to do.
But I have a feeling it will end up with me taking the jobs in Sioux Falls.
I mean, I'll still "live" here, and keep my stuff here and come back as much as possible, but I will work and reside more or less, with my parents.
again.
In my prayers, God has revealed to me that a lot of me not wanting to go is directly related to pride. Which is really frustrating. He said that He could bring me somewhere glorious but if it required me to be humble in order to get there, I would never go. Just like how the Israelites had to wander in the desert for 40 years because of their unbelief. They could have lived in the promised land. They were mere moments away from it, but in a second they robbed themselves of the joy they could have received. There could be so many amazing things for me back in Sioux Falls. But because of my desire to cling to the bitterness that still remains from having to move there the first time against my will, and my pride for not wanting, yet again, to fail at something, I could very well miss out on the things that God wants to show me.
Plus, I feel for some reason that if I trust God on this, he's going to take things away from me. And I'm going to get robbed, as if I can't really trust him at all. I've worked really hard to try to build friendships and maintain the ones I have. I finally found a connection group I enjoy, I've made new friends, I have a roommate I love and an apartment I adore. I finally, JUST FINALLY, got everything I've been trying so hard to get. And God's just going to take that away from me? I don't want him to. I honestly don't. And who would, really?
Perhaps it's all a matter of reliance. Perhaps God's asking me to rely on him to be happy instead of the things I've been desperately craving over the last year or two. But I doubt it.
And a lot of me is terrified that coming back every weekend will turn into every other...then it will be once a month.. then it'll just stop happening. I don't want that. I don't want to not want to drive the four hours so I can spend time with the people I love. But I know there will be cold wintry days that will be like that.
But you know what? And I make this point because it's true, not out of childish attacks-- what's the point of visiting friends that you know will never come visit you? I know they won't. It's science, it's a fact, it's truth. People only like convenient friendships, and four hours away is too far. Hell, half an hour away is too far for most people. Do you understand, dear reader, how frustrating that is to build up all these "strong" foundations of friendships when you know that at your very core, that when you move away the foundations will be shaken to gravel? It's all smoke and mirrors. And some of them will have better excuses than others. And I'm sure maybe once over a series of months, someone might come visit me. But more often than not it'll be good intentions paving the path to me just being disappointed. I mean, seriously, if you can't hold up your end of promising to hang out with me when I live in the same town, who are we kidding if I move away? And Paige, if you're randomly reading this, that's not about you. It's about Alex. And I know that once Atticus comes, things are going to be odd and hard and tricky anyway, so none of this applies to you. We'll figure our friendship out in our own time :)
It's just...
It's just, I already feel so alone being in a town with people I know and like. I'm positively terrified it's only going to be worse when the only people I'm going to know and like will be my parents.
And you know what's even more frustrating than all of it?
I don't want to go, not because I have a deep unsettling feeling in my stomach about it, as if the Holy Spirit was guiding my conscience and telling me to not go. I don't want to go because I have an even more unsettling PEACE about it, and that frankly, pisses me off.
And what does going mean? That I'm there for a year (at least)? Two years? Three? More?
I don't want to be there at all much less for an extended period of time. But I'd owe it to the people offering me the jobs to stay for at least a year.
I'm also scared that if I stay, I'll never come back. Which wouldn't be so awful.. I guess. I mean, if God wants me to stay, I'll try my best to have a good attitude and trust that he'll help me change my heart.
Maybe I'm just scared overall. For any reason. For no reason. For all reasons. I don't know.
But I suppose I need to start the process of getting the jobs back home.
One step at a time I guess. *sigh* 2 comments
read it back to me, pietro.
good reads or good websites.
Team Van Voorst - Paige updates her life as wife, mom, and general frugal lady!
LG & Brian Alsbury - LisaGrace writes about being a new wife, matters of the heart, budgets and goals, and general awesome things.
Changing Again - Insight to Danielle's crazy world.
The Alexanders - Jess and Mike moved to Japan. Here is their side of the world.
Simple Mom - A great website devoted to simplicity.
Remodeling This Life. - Simple. Frugal. Fabulous. (She did an AMAZING home remodel based soley on cash.)
Mint - The EASIEST, most-AMAZING, FREE way to build a budget.
design*sponge. - Creative and original design ideas.
Organizing Your Way. - A personalized approach to decluttering your life.
SmittenKitchen - Seriously some of the BEST recipes i've ever come across. SO awesome.
go, mordecai!
good buys.
rare bird finds. - a collection of unique items.
fredflare! - a shop full of fun and functionality.
[etsy] - if you want anything handmade or vintage, look here.
mighty goods. - an updated collection of fun things.
threadless. - tshirts designed by everyday people.
raygun. - formerly smash, this is an independant shop in des moines that specializes in awesome shirts.
wildcat. wild...cat.
other good websites.
questionable content. - my favorite webcomic by jeph jacques. (contains swearing and adult situations.)
postsecret. - updated every sunday, this blog contains secrets sent in by individuals all over the world.
cute overload. - bad day? stare at picture of cute things. it helps.
is that a tic-tac?
layout credit.
Design : everlastingroses!
Inspiration : indreamsmaybe
Image : swimchick