scrappin', yellin' & mixin' it up
words from 111 archer avenue.
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i always wanted to be a tenenbaum
you, know?
i am a twenty-three year old darling girl.
i am not married, i have no children, and i didn't graduate from college. but..
i draw birds and robots; i read books; i laugh till i cry; i love until my heart bursts; i sometimes paint my face or arms with stripes if i'm bored; i create; i play guitar. i am not impressive, but i am me.
i am addicted to Jesus Christ. He never stops loving, never stops giving, and there is always more of Him. He is the perfect addiction. no one else can satisfy.
These are all just mostly vague details. If you want me, come find me. But, I promise, at the very least, you'll think I'm nice.
things i like
(and i like a lot of things).
museums.// theme parks.// zoos.// aquariums.// road trips.// naps.// reading, and lots of reading. especially in unconventional places.// being silly.// going to goodwill to find hidden treasures.// traveling.// new things.// vintage things. record players, records, old cameras, old radios, vintage clothes, etc.// learning new things.// exploring new places.// building forts out of pillows and/or blankets.// getting mail.// finding new ways to stay organized.// old books that smell like yummy old books.// the smell of colored pencils, and crayons.// the internet, for without it, i might not have some very great friends that i love so dearly.// squirrels.// musicals.// live plays.// daisies, and trees.// thai food.// laughing.// socks.// people you meet that are so amazing they make you strive for greatness, not in competition, but just out of the pure fact that you've seen potential, and was found to be wasting yours.// living a simple life.// holding hands.// the rare moments in life where i don't feel self conscious.// watching home videos.// hideabeds.// thrift stores the size of target.// target for that matter.// poking people in the nose and saying "beep" at the same time.// candles and lanterns and kerosene lamps.// cupcakes.// showers, washing my hands, and brushing my teeth.// sitting on rooftops.// the feel of new shirts.// warm, summer nights.// making things for people.// old shoes from friends.// macaroni and cheese.// having great times of talk with God.// organic, antibiotic-free, preservative-free, artificial flavoring/color-free, no refined sugar or grain food. (just the way God intended.)// love.
things i listen to
currently:
death cab for cutie. feist. animal collective. modest mouse. owen. iron & wine. mother mother. eisley. her space holiday. school of seven bells. dear and the headlights. the weepies. arcade fire. the format.
and when my heart needs to beat
t-pain. rhianna. jay-z. kanye west. flo-rida. ne-yo. justin timberlake. (all hopefully edited.)
things i watch
when life slows for a moment.
the office. my boys. saturday night live. arrested development.
cinema light
that makes my heart glow
the royal tenenbaums. dedication. juno. stranger than fiction. hook. eternal sunshine. garden state. empire of the sun. caddyshack. ghostbusters. jurassic park. closer. iron giant. turner & hooch. an affair to remember. eagle vs. shark. lars and the real girl. pineapple express. the life aquatic. (500) days of summer. the hangover. up. and in all honesty, avatar in 3D was pretty amazing.
paper and ink
with feelings and thought
cars & trucks & things that go - richard scarry
little bear - maurice sendak
the giving tree - shel silverstein
the quietest cricket - eric carle
there is a monster at the end of this book - grover
crazylove - francis chan
awake - erwin raphael mcmanus
seizing your divine moment - erwin raphael mcmanus
the journey towards relevance - kary oberbrunner
no compromise - melody green
but you can't raise boys to be scared of life.
You got to brew some recklessness into them.
The Lord has always been the One who stirs hearts to give of their resources and primarily I am asking Him to stir up those who will financially sow as partners with His kingdom advancing in and through my life.
Please take time to prayerfully consider becoming a monthly financial partner, allowing the Lord to pour through you, as He is the Source of all provision.
One-time donations are very helpful. Relational monthly partners who want to share in what God is doing in and through my life will provide enabling to focus wholeheartedly on His Word and His ways.
If you want to use another method besides paypal to help donate, let me know.
Contributions made directly to me are "love contributions," and are NOT tax deductible.
the archives
click to read back through the years.
2009 (may and after - there's a weird glitch)
2009 (january-april)
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
seriously?!
Friday, February 6, 2009 @ 8:12 PM
aslgkhsaogihalkzghoihgwlakhds!
seriously.
it's like fhqwhgads to the max.
i can't get this kid out of my head.
and i haven't been able to for two and a half years.
we broke up for a reason.
i broke us up for many reasons.
MANY.
...but it's been two and half years. and things have gotten better.
not really different so much. 'cause he's still a mess.
and i'm still a mess.
but it wouldn't be so bad being a mess together.
(and i know i'm gonna get a lot of negative feedback on this. mainly because most of you know "our" story. but please, try to be encouraging. i already know all the negative things you have to say.)
i mean, it's not like i can talk about this seriously, right?
i mean, he can't take janae (who is four already! goodness!) out of the state because it'd be kidnapping. but he can't gain full custody because taking it to court would be stupid, and the arrangement he has with jessy is good enough. plus, what kind of guy could take his daughter away from her mother? but it's not like he can leave her either. and i can't very well move there.
it's too expensive there. and i could help him out here. my parents could help him out here. mom would love to foster grandma janae, and dad said he could get him a job, and he could stay at the house and i could get an apt. so it wouldn't be weird. or something. i don't know.
this is how our conversation went:
me: i've been thinking. i don't trust anyone more than you, i'm not as comfortable with anyone else, no one else sticks by me and my nonsense more than you, and sure there's stuff i'd change. but i'm okay if everything stays the same. and if things don't change, then they don't change. and i don't know how to make this work, or make things better. but i'm tired of trying to find someone who reminds me of you. you're much better.
him: it's really hard to not love you. that sort of scares me.
me: i feel the same.
him: two and a half years ago, i told nick, "i'm going to get in her head. under her skin. she won't be able to stop thinking about me. i'm going to make her my bride." and it was supposed to be funny. but i also knew that i would. i had to. .... hm. i don't know if that makes any sense. ...and actually that sounds kind of creepy.
seriously. two years ago he set out intentions of making me his wife. and i broke up with him because things weren't working out, he was practically in love with me then, and i only knew that i was maybe interested. now we have had time to get to know each other better. any time i'm sad i want to talk to him. any time i'm mad, i call him. any time i'm frustrated, i text him. any time i think of anyone i want to be with for forever... it's him. and i know it shouldn't be. i know better. i really really do.
i think our main dilemma is that he just likes God. i mean, him and God are friends, and they have a friendship and a relationship... he just hasn't fallen in love with God yet. and i, on the other hand, am madly, passionately in love with Jesus.
but that will maybe change. i mean, if you surround yourself with people who are in love, it's hard to not vibe off their warm fuzzies. i don't know.
maybe it's all not possible.
maybe everythings a disaster.
maybe i'm just romanticizing a bad situation because our brains are incapable of remembering bad things to their extent. just like how when you're healthy you can't remember what it was like to be sick, and when you have the flu you can't imagine what healthy feels like.
maybe i want things so badly to work that i forgot how horrible things were.
..no.
things were never horrible.
things were hard.
it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who has a child. someone who has so much baggage from previous relationships. someone who still has to figure out all this God-stuff for themselves. someone who has so many issues that you'd be more likely to find the bottom of a bottomless pit than sort through their head. someone that not only can't support themselves and their current child much less a wife and a family. someone who has so much credit issues and things like that, that banks won't even let them have a checking account.
but that's okay.
right?
i feel like mr. darcy when he is telling lizzie all the horrible things about her and her family and pretty much insults her to her face and then ends it with "despite all this, i love you."
i don't know.
i'm back to praying about it. and i want to start fasting about it. God moves when spiritual warfare happens.
otherwise i'm so confused.
no one compares to him.
so please.
please try to help me with advice.
but at the same time, i don't need people telling me that it's a bad choice, or i can do better, or negative things. and if you're going to say things that are hard to hear, please soften them by nice things.
i will accept all pieces of advice. even bad.
i just don't want to get yelled at for being here.
again.
i love you blogland. very very much. 1 comments
read it back to me, pietro.
good reads or good websites.
Team Van Voorst - Paige updates her life as wife, mom, and general frugal lady!
LG & Brian Alsbury - LisaGrace writes about being a new wife, matters of the heart, budgets and goals, and general awesome things.
Changing Again - Insight to Danielle's crazy world.
The Alexanders - Jess and Mike moved to Japan. Here is their side of the world.
Simple Mom - A great website devoted to simplicity.
Remodeling This Life. - Simple. Frugal. Fabulous. (She did an AMAZING home remodel based soley on cash.)
Mint - The EASIEST, most-AMAZING, FREE way to build a budget.
design*sponge. - Creative and original design ideas.
Organizing Your Way. - A personalized approach to decluttering your life.
SmittenKitchen - Seriously some of the BEST recipes i've ever come across. SO awesome.
go, mordecai!
good buys.
rare bird finds. - a collection of unique items.
fredflare! - a shop full of fun and functionality.
[etsy] - if you want anything handmade or vintage, look here.
mighty goods. - an updated collection of fun things.
threadless. - tshirts designed by everyday people.
raygun. - formerly smash, this is an independant shop in des moines that specializes in awesome shirts.
wildcat. wild...cat.
other good websites.
questionable content. - my favorite webcomic by jeph jacques. (contains swearing and adult situations.)
postsecret. - updated every sunday, this blog contains secrets sent in by individuals all over the world.
cute overload. - bad day? stare at picture of cute things. it helps.
is that a tic-tac?
layout credit.
Design : everlastingroses!
Inspiration : indreamsmaybe
Image : swimchick